HONESTLY?!

Can you say sexiest man alive?






Holy shit. Cause I can(:

"...and then I carefully sealed away my heart."

My Shooting Star(:

I love just who you are,
I ain't gonna try to change ya.
You are a shooting star,
that's why you are my favorite.

I caught her when she fell from heaven.
One to ten, baby girl's an eleven.
And I ain't trying to spit no game,
but I'm trying to figure out from where you came.
Because a star like hers,
man, it rarely occurs in a world like this,
Only way you ever meet a girl like this,
get up in a spaceship and take that trip.
We kinda have a way with words.
We even start a convo to get at her.
Every other chick becomes a blur.
Be my mrs, I'll be your sir.
I love her, the way she is,
the way she are, my shooting star.
And I pray that you'll never change, never ever change.
Just stay the same cause...

I love just who you are,
I ain't gonna try to change ya.
You are a shooting star,
that's why you are my favorite.

Look up in the sky,
it's a bird, it's a plane.
Nah baby girl,
that's a shooting star with your name.
I ain't gonna lie, I've told a lot of lies
and played a lot of games.
But with you it's not the same,
for you Im'ma ride,
I want you by my side.
I feel like them other boys,
you're playing with my mind.
Im'ma tell you one more time:
For you Im'ma hustle,
for you Im'ma grind.
You were there through the pain.
You stood right by me, thanks to you I survived.
I guess it's true what they say,
love is blind.
We together 'til the day that we die,
'til death do us part.
Baby you my heart,
they can take all the houses and the cars.
But they'll never take my shooting star.

I love just who you are,
I ain't gonna try to change ya.
You are a shooting star,
that's why you are my favorite.

Now as I lay her down to sleep,
pray my lord this girl I keep.
Usually by now with a wedding creep,
with a PYT that I met last week.
But it's something about this one
that make me not have to go get none
asks what I need and it go get done,
and the same thing back so it makes us one.
So in the morning when I roll over,
pray that she's there at my arm and shoulder
And I could be your blanket when the world gets colder.
Watch me make her, watch me mold her.
She got me open like my doors ajar,
heartbeat fast like a stolen car.
I never thought it would go this far,
The night I wished on a shooting star.

I love just who you are,
I ain't gonna try to change ya.
You are a shooting star,
that's why you are my favorite.

<3

"And in the end the love you take, is equal to the love you make." -The Beatles.

I am from now on LIVING and BREATHING this quote. At least, I'm going to try to.

You and I

are more alike than anyone could have ever guessed, more than anyone could have ever seen from the outside.

I'm holding on to what's left of us. I'm not even sure why...It feels like I'm fighting for everything that doesn't exist anymore. I'm afraid that nothing will change between us and we'll just go back to how we were and it'll end up the same way. That's completely pointless.

Help me figure out if we're pointless. Show me that you are able to change.

I will not elaborate on this.

I have given all that I can give to you.
I can't allow myself to give any more. Not yet.
Take it all, or leave everything.
I am not forcing you to do anything.
I won't push myself on you anymore.
You either want all of me or none of me.
Choose already.
If you want to talk to me, call me, text me.
I cannot keep attempting to get answers out of you when all I get is another question.
I want to talk to you every second of every day, but I can't keep bringing myself up just to be let down over and over again.
If you want me in your life, find a way to put me there.
I'm done hurting.
Bye.

Sweet heart, Bitter heart. Now I can't tell you apart.

Thank you for robbing me of my happiness, bitch. I'm so fucking done with you controlling my emotions and affecting how I feel everyday. It's like I'm your favorite toy and you're the three year old who can't get enough playtime with it. You've officially teared me in half. One side loves you and the other side hates you. Thank you SO much. And no matter how much I DO NOT want to hurt you, you are the only one you can thank for this. You should be sorry. Are you?

I know I'll want to erase this after you read it and tell me how much it makes you feel like shit, but that won't erase how I feel. I should be sorry.

But I'm not.

"The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts. The good thing about it is that once you're lying there in shards you've got nothing left to protect, and so you have no reason not to be honest." -David James Duncan.

Dreams.

For the past week, I've been waking up feeling like shit. I've been waking up feeling so sad and empty. I didn't know why until the other morning. Apparently, I've been having this recurring dream that he dies. Now, I know why I feel like crap in the morning.
Anyways, I have this dream book so I decided that I'm going to look up what death means in dreams. And this is what I got:

To dream of seeing any of your people dead warns of coming dissolution or sorrow. Disappointments always follow dreams of this nature. To hear of any friend or relative being dead, you are soon likely to have bad news from some of them. Dreaming of death is rarely predictive and more often than not will signify an exciting or necessary change, sometimes of a deeply psychological nature. Recurrent dreams about death may well signal a need for the dreamer's conscious mind to try to accept what is inevitable.

Greeeeeeeeeat.

Pointless.

Do you wanna know why I hate the cold?
For the longest time, I didn't know why, I just did.
Then recently, I figured it out.

I hate being cold because I get cold when I'm sick. I hate being sick.
I hate being cold because I always get cold when something bad happens to me.

Like for instance, all today I was so freakin' chilly because I think I'm catching a cold.

But, the bigger issue here is the fact that when things go terribly wrong, I'm absolutely freezing. For example, when my grandma died, I got cold.
I hatehateHATEHATE being cold.
It feels like all my blood just disappears and I'm empty.
Maybe it's my body's way of trying to protect itself from the approaching danger? I don't know. But it sucks D:

Let me vent.

Okay, so first off, let's start off what pisses me off the most. CERTAIN people in volleyball *cough cough* NICOLE MARSHALL *cough cough*. You think you're so fucking good, when you don't do shit. Do you know why you don't play? Do you know why you warm the fucking bench? Cause I do. Your attitude sucks, and so do you. Now, another thing that makes me so angry whenever I come home from practice is how pathetic the team is. I don't mean playing wise. I know we're good, when we stay positive and don't get down. I'm talking about the lack of WANT. I can see the lack of desire in everyone's eyes when we play, and it sucks. I love playing volleyball because I love the sport, I love the moment when I get a good set and I can feel this fire in my legs right before I feel like I'm going to explode. And then, I hit the ball and it feels fucking amazing. I don't know if the others feel this way, but I can't tell. It doesn't show, and it makes me so disappointed. I play 'cause I love it, I love winning, I love the satisfaction of it all, I love the adrenaline rush the most. Why do you love it?
Second thing. What the hell? WHERE did you come from? I've talked to you once, and you're ALREADY on my nutsack, asking when we're hooking up and how far we'll go?!? What. The. Fuck. Leave me alone. I don't KNOW you. I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, but considering I don't know you at the moment, you're coming off as creepy.
THIRD thing. FATHER! Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeave me alone. Holy shit. I get it! You want me to do FABULOUS in school. You don't want me to ever quit. And I never have. So be proud of me. All I fucking want from you, is to say that you're proud of me. In a way that's totally random and sincere. Not the kind that's like Blah Blah We're soo proud of you But why don't you study more? God, I have to be perfect for you. Or it's not good enough. I'm NEVER fucking good enough.
Fourth thing, would be about you. I love you. Why can't you accept that? Why can no one accept that? You are the most infuriating and frustrating person I have met. But you give me this amazing feeling in my whole entire body that I am absolutely addicted to. Every time I see you, I get it. Every time I talk about you, I get it. I feel like this blog is the only way I can get through to you. I know you read it. Whatever I put here, are the words I can never tell you face-to-face. I love when you read it, because it feels like you're actually interested in what I have to say. Anyways, back to you...I am so incredibly happy with you, it's insane. Every single day, I wonder what you saw in me that you didn't see in someone else. I had no idea that being with you would feel like this. I feel attached to you. And sorry, no matter how hard you try, you can't shake me(: You need to forget about the past and how, maybe, you've hurt others. I can't stand the fact that what's stopping you to be with me, is the simple and stupid fact that you're afraid of hurting me. I get that, but you are hurting me so much worse by doing this. Your logic doesn't add up. Is there something else you're not telling me? You're killing me slowly, you know that? All I want is to be with you. You're not going to hurt me. I trust you with all that is Rachel Hope Wallin.