Okay, so first off, let's start off what pisses me off the most. CERTAIN people in volleyball *cough cough* NICOLE MARSHALL *cough cough*. You think you're so fucking good, when you don't do shit. Do you know why you don't play? Do you know why you warm the fucking bench? Cause I do. Your attitude sucks, and so do you. Now, another thing that makes me so angry whenever I come home from practice is how pathetic the team is. I don't mean playing wise. I know we're good, when we stay positive and don't get down. I'm talking about the lack of WANT. I can see the lack of desire in everyone's eyes when we play, and it sucks. I love playing volleyball because I love the sport, I love the moment when I get a good set and I can feel this fire in my legs right before I feel like I'm going to explode. And then, I hit the ball and it feels fucking amazing. I don't know if the others feel this way, but I can't tell. It doesn't show, and it makes me so disappointed. I play 'cause I love it, I love winning, I love the satisfaction of it all, I love the adrenaline rush the most. Why do you love it?
Second thing. What the hell? WHERE did you come from? I've talked to you once, and you're ALREADY on my nutsack, asking when we're hooking up and how far we'll go?!? What. The. Fuck. Leave me alone. I don't KNOW you. I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, but considering I don't know you at the moment, you're coming off as creepy.
THIRD thing. FATHER! Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeave me alone. Holy shit. I get it! You want me to do FABULOUS in school. You don't want me to ever quit. And I never have. So be proud of me. All I fucking want from you, is to say that you're proud of me. In a way that's totally random and sincere. Not the kind that's like Blah Blah We're soo proud of you But why don't you study more? God, I have to be perfect for you. Or it's not good enough. I'm NEVER fucking good enough.
Fourth thing, would be about you. I love you. Why can't you accept that? Why can no one accept that? You are the most infuriating and frustrating person I have met. But you give me this amazing feeling in my whole entire body that I am absolutely addicted to. Every time I see you, I get it. Every time I talk about you, I get it. I feel like this blog is the only way I can get through to you. I know you read it. Whatever I put here, are the words I can never tell you face-to-face. I love when you read it, because it feels like you're actually interested in what I have to say. Anyways, back to you...I am so incredibly happy with you, it's insane. Every single day, I wonder what you saw in me that you didn't see in someone else. I had no idea that being with you would feel like this. I feel attached to you. And sorry, no matter how hard you try, you can't shake me(: You need to forget about the past and how, maybe, you've hurt others. I can't stand the fact that what's stopping you to be with me, is the simple and stupid fact that you're afraid of hurting me. I get that, but you are hurting me so much worse by doing this. Your logic doesn't add up. Is there something else you're not telling me? You're killing me slowly, you know that? All I want is to be with you. You're not going to hurt me. I trust you with all that is Rachel Hope Wallin.
