Lately, I haven't had much to write about because nothing is wrong for once.
And that's what I normally base my entries on, my emotions.

I want to try to tell people how I feel about them, slowly but surely.



1. You've stood by my side through everything. Even when times were tough. Even when I didn't stand by you. I cannot thank you enough for being such a wonderful person and best friend to me. I love you.

2. I told you I hated players. Stop trying to get with me. I'm not gonna put out like all the other sluts you've been with.

3. I don't know why I care about you so much, and I don't know why I love you. All I do know is that we've tried this, us, and it doesn't work. Maybe no matter what we'd like to think, what I refuse to think, is that we're just not supposed to happen. We're not supposed to be together. I'm sorry. It sucks, I know. Maybe once you love yourself you can love me. You can't love ANYBODY unless you love yourself. Hit me up when that happens.

4. I wish you'd tell me secrets. The thing you don't realize is that it hurts when you don't tell me things. It makes me feel like I'm not worthy enough or that you don't trust me. Even though you say you do.

5. I miss you so bad it hurts. I miss both of you! WE miss you. You know, those girls you practically grew up with. We've known you guys since fucking 1st grade. Don't you think that's a little much to throw away?! I guess not, cause both of you did. And you did it like we meant nothing. That's a slap in the face. No, that would've been better than being tossed to the curb like trash. 'Best friends' my ass.

6. I tried so fucking hard to know you from the inside out. It obviously didn't work or I wouldn't be bitching about it. You don't know how much it hurt to be shut out by you. My friends say I'm ruining your life, and I ask myself "How?" 'Cause even though I've tried to convince you that you're not a fuck up, I'm starting to believe that, to say the least, you're heartless.

7. You never judge me. I'm pretty sure you're one out of five that don't. You're a rare friend and I'm so glad that you've been my friend for so long. Even if we drift apart, you are someone I will stick up for no matter what. I'm almost certain I don't deserve a friend like you.

8. I'm trusting you. I'm trusting you with my heart. Again. Please prove me wrong. I'm absolutely terrified that this is going to be another case of deja vu. I can honestly say you are the only boy I've ever loved and fell in love with. I can see you and me going far in this life. I don't want any one else to look at me the way you do. Despite the feelings that take over my thoughts, I'm not entirely sure that I'm ready for this.

∆

A long night spent with your most obvious weakness
I wonder if you have the same dreams, too
She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world, four winds blowing through her hair
This life's to good to last and I'm to young to care
I only dream of you, and you never knew
Remember when I said I love you? Well, forget it, I take it back.
You possess every trait that I lack, by coincidence or by design
And she said na na na na na I just forgot you were there
On your machine I slur a plea for you to come come home
It's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Look to the past and remember a smile and maybe tonight I can breathe for a while
When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know your alive
They call it love, it may be premature, but they don't need excuses
It feels like lightening running through my veins every time I look at you
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
You write such pretty words, but life's no story book. Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt.
Fingertips have memories, Mine can't forget the curves of your body.

Random,

I just found an old quote that I saved on my Photobucket a long ass time ago, and it made me think of how I am today...
It's unfortunate that people take advantage of the things that make up most of their lives. I live my life according to others, and always make sure that I'm happy. If I'm not, then you'll know. I wear my feelings on my sleeves and see through people extremely well. The instant I'm uncomfortable around you, I'll be gone.

I will allow someone to love me.

I seem to be having trouble forgetting the past...

"When there's something you want, fight for it, don't give up--no matter how hopeless it seems, even when you've lost hope, cause years from now you're gonna look back and wish you gave it one more shot cause the best things in life don't come easy."

"What is love? Love is when your heart stops every time you see him. Love is looking at him and seeing your future. Love is having your heart broken when he doesn't love you back. But yet, love always seems to find you again, when you want nothing to do with it."

"I miss the way you acted like me sun, brightening up my day."

"Silence is pure.
It draws people together because only those
who are comfortable with each other
can sit without speaking."

"Jealousy is nothing more than a lack of self-confidence."

"You're the definition of the absolute best, and you're the reason I get through life when it's a total mess."

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

"I don't ever want to steal your time 'cause you seem fine but I feel blue. I don't want to say the things I do because I know I feel it more than you."

"You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore, and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say, I can't tell you anymore."

"Somewhere deep in your heart is someone that you're dying to forget but also living to remember."

"People do things everyday that could kill them. It doesn't mean they want to die."

"Out of everyone I've met, it's you I can't forget."

Stargirl;

"He says the world is a bad place
but I've seen him on the high dive,
the pride in his eyes."

"You close your eyes and you remember. You focus and you concentrate and you remember harder than you've ever remembered in your life, and pretty soon you're sure you can feel me there, sitting across from you, smiling at you. You experience me. You relive us. You're so happy. And then so sad when you open your eyes and realize I'm not really there. That's when you miss me the most. Desperately. Tell me I didn't imagine it. Tell me that even though our bodies were in separate places, our star selves shared an enchanted place. Tell me that right around noon you had the strangest sensation: a tiny chill on your shoulder...a flutter in the heart...a shadow of how it felt when we touched...
Tell me you whispered my name."

"Live today. Don't cheat yourself out of today. Don't get stuck on something that happened yesterday. Today is calling, trying to get your attention, but you're awaiting tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today you wasted is gone, forever. It's now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you, but now you'll never know because you wasted today."

"Every day brings a new memory of something we did a year ago. A parade of unhappy anniversaries."

Dear Best Friend,

11 years I've known you and watched you change, 10 years I've called you my best friend. What happened? Just thinking about you makes me want to cry. You were the first one I'd call when something happened, you were the one I shared every single one of my secrets with. You never, ever told any of my secrets to anyone, no matter who it was about. You were the one who I bossed around in the sandbox when we were younger. And the one I warned when you had chocolate all over your face, and then proceeded to laugh at you like it was the funniest thing in the world. You were the one I grew up with and the one I wore matching outfits on the first day of school with. You were the one who I trick-or-treated with every single Halloween. You were my first true best friend. Ever since the first day of preschool, you've always been there for me. You were my shoulder to cry on when I was sad, as I was yours. Your home was my second home and my parents were like your second set. I knew everything about you and you knew everything about me. We never left each others sides. We fought like sisters, but couldn't stay mad at each other. You were my sister, besides the blood part. I love you with all my heart. I miss you so much, more than I've ever missed a friend. I feel like I've lost you. I know that over the years we've changed and we started liking different things, but did that mean we had to grow apart? It makes me so sad to think that I had the best of the best for a friend and then lost her. I miss you, Ashley. I miss all of our laughs and inside jokes. I miss all the pictures we took, documenting our childhood. I wish you didn't only want to talk about yourself all the time. I wish you were still interested in my life. I want so badly to catch up with you and know everything that's been going on. I want to tell you everything that's happened with me this past year because I know that just like when we were 10 you'd just sit and listen. Because you're still the same girl I met on the swings, even though your priorities are a little messed up.

Thank you so much for showing me what a true friendship is like. I will always love you no matter how far apart we become.

Love, the one who's always been there.

Soo, I love it;

How even after a week in Arizona, I still manage to find annoyances in the people around me. And how immediately when I get home, the people I needed to get away from in the beginning continue to annoy me. It's like a never ending cycle. Someone SAVE ME. At least I have you to talk to for all those days when I feel my sanity slipping. You're my life-preserver right now(:

Shit son, this past weekend was pretty fun though. I needed that.
Did I mention that I loveeee ASHLEA SMITH. Fuck, without her I would've been dumb stupid and bored out of my freakin' mind on that trip.