I hate you. I hate you for all the things you've done to me. I hate you for all the shit you've said to me. I hate you for all the drama you've caused me. I hate you for all the meaningless crap that has come out of your mouth. I hate how you use me to your liking. I hate how you use others the way you want. I hate how you think it's okay to be an asshole to everybody. I hate how you abuse the life you were given. I hate how you toy with my feelings. I hate how you know how I tick without even trying to know me. I hate how you slipped into my mind so easily. I hate how you don't give a fuck. I hate how you used to call me every night. I hate how I have the sound of your voice imprinted in my brain. I hate how you could care less but care so much. I hate how you called just to say "goodnight". I hate how you made me cry. I hate how I'm crying as I'm writing this. I hate how I have so much to say to you but I can't say anything. I hate how you treat me. I hate you for somehow making me fall for you. I hate you for leaving me for my friend. I hate you for being so flirtatious. I hate you for telling me that you knew you'd like me forever. I hate how I can trust you so easily. I hate how I believe everything you say until your friends make me think otherwise. I hate you for the way you look at me. I hate you for the way you make my heart race. I hate you for the way you hugged me. I hate the way you stuck around. I hate the way I can't stay away from you. I hate the way we fight. I hate the way I can't stay mad at you for more than a day. I hate the way you force me to be mad at you. I hate the way you act like everything's okay, when it's not. I hate the way you can't say "I'm sorry." I hate the way you control people. I hate the way you think you're amazing. I hate that you're right. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way you hypnotize me. I hate the way your poison set in. I hate the way you called me perfect and amazing and beautiful. I hate the way you said "I chose a non-easy girl named Rachel." I hate the way you say my name. I hate how you think you can have me whenever you want me. I hate the way you CAN. I hate how you think you have me on a string. I hate how you DO. I hate when people talk bad about you. I hate how I feel the need to stick up for you. I hate how I think I understand you. I hate how I think I'm the only one. I hate the way I feel when I hear your name. I hate when you talk to other girls. I hate how I wish you'd only talk to me. I hate how I should hate you, but I don't.
Not a single bone, muscle, cell, nerve or thing in my body hates you. I could never hate you. And I never will. I hate that.
Even after all the things I "hate" about you; I still manage to love you. Do you realize that? The amount of love in my heart that you possess even though you shouldn't? I find something about you irresistible...and I love that. This feeling, that I can't explain no matter how hard I try, isn't going away. It's never going away. And I realize now at 12:28 AM on Thursday August 20th, 2009 that this feeling is real. It's undeniable and I can't deny it. This, whatever it is, is so strong.
This is far from fantasy and I'm fucking scared.
